Stalling...

I know I promised my newest post to be about my reflections on the year 2011 and all the goodness, grace and love God has shown to me but I feel like stalling. I don't mean to NOT thank the Lord for His goodness because over the course of this year I certainly have but it feels a bit overwhelming to blog about it right now.

 This post is a random, unedited version of my thoughts.  Procrastinating, stalling...call it what you'd like but ever since last night at our New Year's Eve party (which was fabulous & fun by-the-way) and after talking about what I thought I had all planned for my life I can't stop thinking about it.

Our topic was schools.  Where and what we thought our children's paths might lead them down and figuring out how to pay for said plan I was reminded of a time when I thought I had it all figured out. 

My goals were high.  At the time I didn't quite realized that I was an eternal optimist.  I truly believed I could do anything I set my little heart out to do.  I wasn't afraid of failing, actually, I'd become pretty good at it.  I would simply brush it off and try harder, that is, when it was something I wanted. 

I loved the game of soccer.  It was one of those things that I had begged to do as a young girl.  Our town didn't have any teams or leagues.  I was also an artist.  I would draw my myself in my jersey, my team and write about my accomplishments.  I would literally dream at night of scoring goals and of being carried off the field by teammates while my fans cheered wildly in the stands. 

It wasn't until I was in 6th grade that I got to play on my first real team.  It was amazing, really.  I felt like all my dreams had come true the minute that I put on (quite possibly the worlds ugliest uniform) that was gold and kelly green.  I was not a straight 'A' student and honestly I didn't want to be.  I was social.  I loved just being with people.  I didn't need to be the center of attention and I certainly never wanted to be, but nonetheless I loved people.  I loved observing them, talking with them, laughing, playing and people watching.  I was never praised for my report card but the friends I had and made topped it all and then to be on a team?  The best feeling ever. 

Most of the girls on my team had been playing together for years.  They had a bond, a closeness I longed for and soon would posses.  The game I loved was finally mine.  I excelled in my new found love.  The moment I would get on the field I finally felt I found my purpose.  I was quicker than anyone in the league.  It was finally my chance to shine.

In high school I went through many teams and many coaches and my sophomore year I even gained a nickname.  I was called "Flash."  It was a name given with many inside jokes but soon parents I didn't know and even my coach would soon be yelling it from the stands.  It was an amazing feeling.  It pushed me to work harder.  I used to believe that I could pick any college I wanted.  I didn't understand the costs.  I believed that my talent was enough.  I had my sights set on University of North Carolina.  If it was good enough for Mia Hamm & Michael Jordan it was surely good enough for me.

I had cutouts and clippings of all things related to UNC and all my favorite sports figures.  I lived in a fantasy world, really, and would soon get shaken back into reality.  My ACT score would tell me exactly where I would be able to attend.  While it wasn't a 36 I would have to figure out a new plan.  All this college talk made me realize that this was real.  College cost money and I was not even close to making it into the professional world of soccer. 

So, I had another dream.  I was pretty sure that even though I was just an ordinary 17 year old girl I would soon be discovered.  Discovered somewhere to show up on the big screen.  I would write screenplays I would star in.  Somewhere, at sometime, someone would see my talents and scoop me up and put me in a staring role.  I had big dreams and they were within my reach...so I thought.  I absolutely loved plays and musicals.  When The Sound of Music was chosen I picked my part and practiced each day.  Then when the day came for try-outs, I opted not to do so.  Why?  I still don't have that answer.

As I type I realize that I seemed a bit, well...different.  I never followed through with any of my passions or dreams.  I always wondered but never regretted my decisions.  So after sharing with others my dreams and ambitions as a child I started wondering what it was that I really wanted to do now. 

This year I would love to get back into music.  I played the piano under an instructor for nearly 10 years, the flute for seven and now after 20 years I want to play the violin or cello.  They were not one of the choices I was allowed to choose from and ever since then I have always wanted to learn.  2012 is going to be the year I start.  I truly think that I would not have appreciated the instrument or the music back in the day.  I thank God that He has been growing this desire in my heart and I want to glorify Him through the process.

It's That Time of Year...and More Randomness

It's that time of year.  That time where blogging gets neglected, but oh, wait...

That time is pretty much everyday, 365 days a year, isn't it.  Hopefully many of you received an update via email a couple times in last few months of all the big, exciting things we've experienced this fall.

I do blog more than you see.  I have close to two dozen posts written with heart that I just haven't posted yet.  Some days I will blog late into the evening and by the time I'm done or early the next morning I just can't seem to press "PUBLISH." 

Most days it's because I've needed to vent or organize all my thoughts and feelings and once I'm done I don't always feel the need to share. While there are some posts that get published months after they are written not all of them make "the cut."

Today I am near finished with a post about the year.  I started last night after reading my devotions and couldn't help but share about all the amazing things that God has done for me & those around me.  The lessons He's taught, the blessings He's shared and the way He's guided me down the path in this life were bursting out of my heart and mind to be shared.  It will be coming in a few short days so be on the look out if you are so inclined.

I've struggled recently with making my blog a bit more private.  I often get comments on my blog that I need to erase.  I can see where they are coming from but have no idea who may be sending them.  I have often even wondered who in the world reads my blog.  If you are reading this and stop by once in a while would you let me know?  I'm curious also if you do and if I make this blog private would you subscribe?  I don't know what the plan is yet but it seems like that may be the best way.  I also don't want stop anyone from coming to our blog if they enjoy but don't want to commit;) I will admit there are a few blogs I frequent but haven't followed bc I enjoy being on the DL. 

If I don't post  before Christmas (haha) I want to wish you all a VERY Merry Christmas filled with the wonder, joy & awe of our Savior's birth.  What a wonderful time to remember and reflect on the greatest gift, God's own Son.

A Funny Thing Happens in the Fall

If there was ever a voice of summer in Michigan, Tim Allen would be it.  The way he can paint a picture with words of one of the most beautiful places in the United States is amazing. 

I can still remember one late spring afternoon, driving with the windows down and a commercial came on the radio.  I generally don't listen to commercials.  I'm a station switcher.  I switch from one radio station to another to  find a song I can sing my heart out to, but on this particular day when a commercial began it had my undivided attention. 

It started like this...

"Every summer something breezes off the water...it slows things down around here. It's called the 'Lake Effect.'  We can experience it anywhere along the 200 mile stretch of sandy shore of Michigan's beach towns.  It boasts amazing water views and sandy front porches & knows what it takes to make every day a day at the beach."

The voice was calming and familiar and as it spoke I could feel myself hanging on it's every word.  I was suddenly transported to a place where the world seemed to stand still.  That place...pure Michigan.

In the ad campaigns from Michigan's official Travel & Tourism bureau, the voice of Tim Allen coupled with the gentle notes of a melody that warms my soul have been a constant reminder that I live in Chicago.  I do not get to experience all the magic & wonder that is Michigan nearly enough.

If you've ever been to one of Michigan's beach towns you know exactly what I am talking about.  The sounds, sights and smells of the lake in mid summer are something spectacular.  I spend almost 11 months out the year dreaming about that 2 week stretch when I can experience first hand God's amazing sliver of creation we call Crystal Lake.  The sounds of children squealing with delight as they spray and splash in the clear blue water, the gentle rolling waves that serenade you as you dose off in your bed, the sunsets that never disappoint, the way the sand so softly cradles your every move or looking outside before bed and seeing more stars that you knew existed simply because we live in the "city." 

Well, I'm in Michigan as I type.  My husband and I had an amazing day.  We walked down the streets of historic Traverse City to do a little window shopping, watched the salmon in the river as they tried to make it upstream, dined in a little cafe near the beach and even now while I watch him fish for trout from the comfort of the front porch as the sun is setting I almost can't believe I'm taking in a little bit of pure Michigan.

It's bittersweet coming up here in the fall.  The excitement and busyness of summer with five children around in the fall isn't quite the same.  I miss them and know just how much this beautiful place means to each of them but I know it's also okay to be selfish.  This trip is one that James and I have been taking just the two of us, for years now.  It's our time to get away and reconnect.  Rarely do we get even 24 hours to just "be" with each other.

Tim Allen once said "A funny thing happens in the fall on the shores of Lake Michigan.  The water warms up and the vacationers go home. The beaches of Michigan become a low key, grown up place to eat great, stay up late and otherwise exercise the long lost privilege of adulthood.  A place where we can walk hand in hand, run our toes through the sand & soak up a sunset our kids wouldn't have time for. "
Michigan's has one of the most serene and stunning coast lines in America.

Tomorrow I will walk hand in hand with the love of my life.  We will hike trails covered with the colors of fall and take a nap in front of the fire if we please. 

The kids got to play all summer here.  Now it's our turn and it's all in Pure Michigan.

Finished!

It's finished! 

It took me a couple hours over the course of the last five days to finish these fire hydrants.  The goal of the Adopt-a-Hydrant program in our town was to raise money for the Fire Department.  The idea came from a young man who wanted to repay the Fire Department for the work that they do so he came up with this neat idea.

I started this adventure thinking it would be a nice outlet for me to release some of my extra creativity and also a time for me to relax & unwind away from my busy, action packed family.  The actual time I spent painting was far from relaxation.  At one corner where I spent a couple days I was hoot & hollar'd at and stopped every five minutes by inquisitive neighbors and passerby's wanting to know if what I was doing was legal and simply wondered what in the world I was doing. I have never been honked at more times in one day that I was last week!

Here is the second hydrant.  At the last minute it seemed to be missing something...so I decided on bumble bees.  You need to look very close for them.  I think I added about eight of them.

Here she is from the front.

Semi side view.

Her backside.

I really just love sunflowers.  They were our main wedding flower & to this day I can't get enough of this beautiful creation.

One Day At a Time

I'm going to ignore the fact that there are 16 posts that are either finished or near finished.  Some of them seemed appropriate at the time but I feel like hanging on to them a bit longer before releasing them into great unknown. The last few weeks have been a blur so today I'm going with the One Day At a Time mentality and posting my most recent adventure.

Today I finished something that I actually didn't want to.  Well, that's not entirely true...I'm actually still not completely finished.  What is it you ask?  Here it is.  I almost didn't post a picture bc I'm slightly discouraged that I could not do it exactly the way I had intended but for the general public who drive down Summit & Madison St. it will have to do.

Here he is from the back.

...and here he is from the front.

Mr. Dalmatian still needs some mouth work and whisker dots but I just simply have not had the time to add the finishing touches.  I am currently working on another hydrant just in front of our house.  It's going to be nothing like this one;)

Stayed tuned for the finished products!

25 More

It's been a while again since I last posted but I did get another request for 25 more things you may or may not know about me and it seems much easier than finishing half a dozen posts right now so here they are:

1. I am slightly addicted to Panera's Iced Green Tea
2. I can't go to bed alone unless I have the T.V. on
3. I got my one and only high school detention for going out to lunch off campus
4. My nickname in high school was "Flash"
5. I don't love ice cream
6. I still have the T-shirt I received from my D.A.R.E. graduation & occasionally wear it to bed...(it's 21 years old, not kidding)
7. My favorite T-Shirt I wear weekly is a high school soccer-t I got my junior year
8. I am not a hoarder;)
9. I love tomales
10. In my closet all of my hangers must be equally spaced
11. At one point in my life I owned 62 pairs of shoes
12. I LOVE to take pictures....98% of them are of my kids
13. I have one cup of coffee and one cup of tea each day
14. I have been the owner of 5 cars
15. When I turned 16 I didn't get the BMW I was hoping for.  I got a BMW baseball cap.
16. I am a total night owl
17. I sercretly wish I could somehow have a show on the Food Network
18. I have never lit a grill before...or grilled for that matter
19. I almost always have a candle burning in our house.  
20. I cannot stand Christmas decorations
21. I have never smoked pot...just thought I'd throw that one out there;)
22. My favorite game as a child was called "birdie," a made up game my cousins & I created.
23. I cannot stand watching cartoons
24. My first kiss was when I was 15
25. I don't like wearing sweaters 

Ready...Set...Learning How to Relax

Somewhere in the middle of sipping sun tea in a lounge chair on the beach while eating a fresh cut pineapple I realized something.  It's something about myself that I think had always known but must have kept so buried in the back of my mind that I did not have to face it.  Here it is...
I am completely incapable of relaxing.

I think I've learned to trick myself into thinking I can relax but when I really started to think about what relaxation means I'm pretty sure I fall short of it's true definition. 

All year I daydream of coming up to Michigan.  I close my eyes and can almost hear the waves and smell the fresh air when I'm stuck in burbs.  It's calming and even in mid-February it's looking forward to going to Crystal Lake that gets me through the day.  Up north I don't have to make any phone calls, return any emails, pay the bills (okay, I do actually have to pay the bills but it's much easier now that I can do it all online;), run from school to after school activities or even make dinner.  It's not that I let my family starve but James and I have worked it out over the years that vacation he does all the cooking, well, grilling.  We bring all of our meat from home and he turns our trip into the great vacation grill-off.  I'm thankful and blessed BUT  that's not the point.

The point is (while I try to avoid it once again) that I seem to be completely unable to relax.  Sure I can pretend to lay lifeless on the sandy shore while soaking up some vitamin D but who am I kidding?  It's August.  As I "relax" on the beach all that is going through my mind is the four completely different school supply lists that await my attention as soon as we get back home.  I find myself fighting those little voices telling me to just go inside and order them online, make new lists of all the extras the kids will need or even just find myself wondering if any of my kids will get put in the dreaded "peanut free environment" classroom.   That means no peanut butter & jelly sandwiches and on a day when lunch meat is no more I go for the quick pb&j sandwich, pb&crackers or even pb& apples, granola bars, a fam favorite of peanuts & raisins, etc, etc. etc.

I left the house 100% spotless when we left. I knew a house even in slight disarray would have me going crazy on vacation but somehow in my demented state I'm already plotting & planning on how I will unpack and get everything put away. Sick....I know.

So, as I sit back and try to relax this evening I can't help but grab my laptop to process.  I apologize if you are reading this and rolling your eyes but get ready to roll some more because I did think about just typing away my thoughts and not posting but then I'd be leaving something unfinished.  Not going to happen.  Good night, Crystal Lake.  Tomorrow I will begin a new book.  Here's to hoping Have a New Kid by Friday by Dr. Kevin Leman is a good distraction from my "relaxation."

Why can't I just turn my brain off for a few? Please don't get me wrong. I'm having one of the most amazing times here filled with so much fun & family but something about my alone time is just not right. Maybe I need some new music on my ipod or maybe that's God's way of telling me to use that time to talk to Him. As I sit and think about it now it's quite possible that all the confusion and noise in my brain is really God yelling, not whispering, for me to listen. I hear Him.