To be Honest...

I was working the last two days at the Timothy Christian annual fall resale. I go every year to sell my own kids clothes that they have outgrown and, since I am a volunteer, I also get first pick for things that they will need for the next season. It's a great way to meet some of the other "TCS moms" and to just get out for a little and help out. But, this year, I was faced with some pretty hard truths.

There is a system to tagging the clothes that you want to sell. One color is for items that get reduced the last hour of the sale, one color is for items that will not be reduced, and the other color is for items to be donated after the sale is over. As we begin sorting the clothes that people bring there is also a "reject" box that is for clothing that is stained, ripped, "outdated" etc. I was pulling my own things out of the bins and putting them away when I noticed one of Madison's old winter coats had a dirty sleeve. I know I just washed all the coats, so I put a green tag on it and didn't mark down my number so I could just donate it. Again, we don't sell dirty things.

Well, as the sale was going on today I decided to go look around the racks to see if there was anything else my kids needed for the winter. As I was browsing the jackets I came across Madison's. Could this be MY jacket? Sure enough...I looked at the jacket with the same dirty arm and then noticed someone had put another tag on it (I had pinned a tag on it, but left it blank.) Sure enough, there was another color tag on it with someone else's number. I was a little stunned. I tried to think it through a minute and see if there was MAYBE a logical explanation. I couldn't come up with one. I REALLY wanted to not believe that one of the other girls would do that....put their own number on it and try to sell it, but they did.

I was a little heartbroken. Not because I wanted the money for it, or even that someone thought I may have made a mistake and made a bad judgement call. Just the fact that someone standing in the room with me had been dishonest. Please listen, I AM NOT saying that I am in any way perfect or that I am in any way above them. I am just like that person. I am a sinner too. The other sad part was that there is a list of "sellers" and their numbers on the table. I admit I did look at that list. I knew who that person was.

I think the hardest part of seeing someone else's sin is that you immediately are aware of your own. That's why it bothers us so much. I know there have been plenty of times in my life when I was so upset with someone else for doing something, when I myself was also guilty of a like incident.

I did not confront that person. What good would that have done? Probably none. I also didn't want to cause conflict. I ran over the scene in my head a couple times and just thought it would be extremely uncomfortable. Maybe when they get home and get that coat back (bc it didn't sell) they would be reminded of what they did. Does that make me feel better? No. It makes me realize just how much we all need a Savior. We all need Jesus.

I am not perfect. In my lifetime I have lied, stolen, cheated, and done things I'd rather not list. I am a sinner. I try my hardest now that my kids are old enough to teach them about honesty. They really haven't gotten the hang of it. They have however mastered lying. Even a four year old who has never been taught to lie can do it. They were born sinners just like me. I find that my kids will even lie about things that don't matter or even things that they can't possibly be in trouble for, yet they do it.


I have been guilty of doing the same thing many times over. I also know I have a God who is bigger than all my sin.


I came back today after writing the beginning of this post yesterday. In that time I faced yet another great challenge. I faced another situation of honestly...or lack there of...and this is one I cannot write off. I had to face it, or actually, it came to face me. I just don't want to accept it. I will never stop wondering why dishonesty hurt so bad. I am however in awe of God and how he faces this. He loves us despite our sin. He loved us so much that He sent his ONLY son as a sacrifice to die on the cold, lonely cross for OUR sins. He knew of the sin that would consume all of us and sent us a Savior, Jesus Christ.

In the coming weeks, months, years, I will face many truths related to this very day. I will remember, but would rather forget. God hasn't forgotten me. I am on His mind and He is ready to come to me when I cry out to Him. I am crying. Crying tears and crying out for Him.



The verse that was on the back of James' truck when we met and a verse I think of often was this:


"Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. " The rest of the verse reads "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me., for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

I, along with many others, am carrying a heavy burden right now. I know that my Savior can free us from these burdens. The rest He promises is love, healing, and peace with God. I need it. We all need it. We need Jesus Christ.

Anniversaries

Last week I was listening to a radio program that was talking about anniversaries and it got me thinking. The word 'Anniversary' is defined as a recurring date, or a past event; especially one of historical, national or personal importance. A celebration to commemorate such a date.

I have a few such dates and events in my life. Every year I look forward to our wedding anniversary most. I don't often have time to sit and think about how wonderfully perfect that day was, but when it nears it's always nice to go through the pictures and notes we received. I remember thinking, as I was standing behind the doors of the sanctuary (beside the fact I had massive amounts of sweat dripping down my back,) just about how perfect that day was.

As I entered I remember seeing James face. He was standing there trying to hold back tears. He couldn't take his eyes off me. I remember smiling so much that my face began to hurt! I can still feel how tightly he held my hand and how secure I felt. I was marrying such a wonderful man. I was marrying my best friend. The rest of that day was a bit of a blur. I like to look at all the pictures because I can't recall every detail and every captured piece of happiness. All our friends and family there to celebrate us meant so much.

James and I don't usually get to do anything big surrounding the date of our actual anniversary in August. Maybe just a nice dinner & a movie. It's in the fall that we really get to celebrate. In October James & I get to sneak away for a few days up to the cottage...kid free;) It's something we look forward to every year. Just the two of us. The colors of fall are simply amazing up there. We love to fish right off the beach, try out all the cafes' and just spend time, uninterrupted, just simply to enjoying each other. As much as we love our kids, it's still very hard to come back and quickly transition back into "mom" and "dad." I'm pretty sure even though our life is crazy these days, that it's safe to say we love each other even more than we did on our wedding day.

This year was the first anniversary of the day that we lost my precious cousin Sheri to ovarian cancer. July 5th, 2008 she went to be with her heavenly father. I miss her. A couple hours after Mackenzie was born it sunk in a little deeper. She was always one of our first guests at the hospital after one of our kids was born. It was hard knowing she wasn't going to be there this time. I still remember when she came after Dylan was born. Sheri was not the biggest girl, 4'11 inches on a 'good' day, and when she held my 10lb. baby she looked almost funny. He was HUGE! I miss her smile, her laugh, her silly voices. After 30 years of service on the this earth, her work was done here. For some reason, and only God knows, he called her home.

I went to the cemetery last week. It's really beautiful there. I didn't really plan on stopping, but it had been on my mind for some time now. It was a truly beautiful day. As I drove in, I was greeted by half a dozen deer who didn't seem to mind my car rolling through. As I drove up the hill I saw a woman sitting on bench reading. What a peaceful sight. I strolled up and down the lawn looking for my aunt and cousin. I was there for about an hour. I am not the type of person who goes there to talk to them, or even to grieve. I don't even know what made me go. I just sort of sat and a flood of memories came back to me.

I remembered the time that Sheri, Mandy & I were having a sleepover. We were all in the same bed, giggling and playing when a spider decided to join us at the foot of the bed. We were only 5 or 6 at the time and I can still hear Sheri, plain as day, saying "don't worry guys, I don't think it's contagious." I think she meant poisonous, but we didn't know any better at the time. We just knew Sheri would take care of it. She was always there for me. When the world didn't seem to understand me, I knew Sheri would. Sheri was adopted, and I was too. When we were little we used to pretend we were really sisters. Now I know God had us planned to be a part of the same family all along. It's really quite amazing when you think about it. What a special person she was to not only me, but everyone that knew her. I still can't believe it's been a year already.

I love to celebrate; birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and life in general. I love to throw big parties and entertain. I think my goal is to have everyone enjoy these things as much as I do. But, in the end, I know it's not the things or parties that make an anniversary special...it's the people you spend them with.

Brett's Big Break

I spoke too soon...

In my May 29th post I mentioned that Brett got new Rollerblades and I hoped it wasn't going to mean he received his first break. Well, he did break his first bone this summer:( He was camping in Ludington in August when he broke his knuckle/pinkie finger. He was playing football with a nerf football at the beach. The ball apparently filled with water and was so heavy when he went to catch it that it just bent his finger the wrong way. He was very brave and didn't cry much. It also helped to wrap his hand so he couldn't see his finger sticking out sideways on the way to the ER.

He had a temporary cast put on for the next two weeks. It wasn't a full hard cast, just hard on the top of his hand and forearm and wrapped with a special Ace bandage. Of course at his age this was a very hard injury to have. He had one month left of summer and now here he was told he had a limited amount he could do. It was heartbreaking first for me. I actually was a little mad too. We were about to go up to the Lake in a week and now I thought to myself "what is this poor child going to do?! He can't even swim on his vacation!!!!" After my initial shock I got over my own pity party and was able to focus on my little guy.

He wasn't going to let this stop him. One morning I was getting everyone breakfast and Mackenzie was crying up a storm waiting for hers. I went to look when the room fell silent only to find Brett had picked her up and was rocking her. He is so kind and helpful.

So, the day before vacation we were told by the doctor about a swimming/diving device for casts. We we so excited and began calling around looking for it. About a dozen calls and 10 different stores we went to, we found one!!! Brett was so thrilled!

It's like a big rubber swimming cap that put on and had a little pump that we sucked the air out to make it air tight. It certainly worked. Brett was under water most of our vacation! He loves to swim. When we got home it even worked out great to shower with. No more big plastic Old Navy bags and hair ties to hold it on!

He had to wear the cast for an additional week after vacation. When we went for his ortho appointment the doctor took the cast off and said his finger was healing nicely. He did tell him no contact sports this fall. Brett was super bummed about that. That meant no soccer team. All the kids were really disappointed. We almost don't know what to do with our weekends now. Brett's been playing soccer for the last 6 years! He will have plenty to keep him busy in the next few months though. He is in band at school now, he's involved in Cadets at church and he's part of Math club. There is still plenty of other things for him to so and other soccer mom responsibilities for me to have.

Brett also wants to thank everyone for all the cards and words of encouragement. He was a little discouraged in the beginning, but after every one's kind words and stories of their own broken bones he felt much better. Thank You!!!

Seasons Change

Last weekend I was excited to look at the calendar and see that I was about to have a Saturday "off." My friend Katherine is getting married in October and last weekend we had her bachelorette party. My first reaction was excitement! After all, I am a mom of 5 and this was a great reason to get out and have a chance to be Heidi and not Mommy;) While I love my children to death, I also enjoy some time away to get a chance to "miss" them. It doesn't happened often, but when it does it always feels great. I get to shower and DO my hair, and maybe, just maybe I get to put on something that is clean & doesn't smell like yesterday's baby.

Then came my second reaction...I feel old. I don't mean physically, but mentally. The last time I went to a bachelorette party was before I got married. I was second to the last of almost all my friends to get married so it's been a while. All the other girls in Katherine's wedding party are either newly married, single, or have one little one. I felt like I was the "old" lady. During the summer they all met up to view the dresses, go to dinner, and see Katherine's gown. I was so pregnant ready to pop I opted out of those activities because my life was simply too full at the time. I would have loved to attend, but we don't always get to do what we want. And, I don't think the dress shop would have been happy if I had tried to squeeze into one of their dresses.

So, Katherine's party was great! Good food, drinks, games and company! Although, I am quite embarrassed to admit it...I was that mom. I always looked at that mom places and vowed to never partake in her actions. But, I did. The very thought of it now makes me cringe. I caught myself at one point rambling on and on about my 5 precious children. I was looking around the room while talking endlessly about spit up, the kids shenanigans, potty training, etc. and could tell I was attracting that smile; that smile of how nice, now enough;) I had a great time with a great group of sweet girls, but soon realized I have entered a new stage of life myself. I was no longer a "young" single girl, a newlywed or even a new mom. I was a seasoned one. One who, in three short months, is about to turn thirty.... *sigh*...One who has five kids, a mortgage, and a child already nearing middle school. I know life changes are just a part of, well...life, but sometimes they go by so fast, sneak up slowly and surprise us.

I'm a little surprised. I guess I haven't had much time to stop and think about it. My days don't include a lot of free "thinking" time. Most of my thoughts these days are about dinner recipes, who's laundry needs to be done next and keeping track of a family of 7.

I will save the thoughts I have about the BIG 3-0 for another post. But for now, as I realize just what an old soccer mom I am, know that I love my life, my family and my friends just as I did before I started going gray. It's every one of those people, experiences and changes that have made me who I am today. I thank God for each and every day I have to glorify Him.

P.S. I am also looking forward to Katherine & Jeff's wedding!!!!!! It been 10 years in the making and I could not be ANY happier for my dear friend. God's timing is perfect.

Ketchup

Some days I feel like I am playing a never ending game of 'catch up' with this house. Just when I get the kids breakfast, dress them, and send them out to play in the morning, feed Mackenzie, change her, and get her down for a morning nap, and clean up breakfast....it's LUNCHTIME! The amount of laundry in this house seems to multiply over night too. I can do laundry all night and go to bed with 4 baskets of it all folded, then wake up, put it all away just to fill those same baskets with the next 4 loads. Does this ever end? I guess it's to be expected with a family of 7. And, most days when I have about had it with the amount of housework to be completed, one of my kids never fails to distract me from this "work" with something.

Some days it's constantly asking for me to get them down something that's been taken away from them (the top of our tv has about a dozen off limit toys,) help get the craft box out, draw a dinosaur ten million times, braid a Barbie's hair, or watch a 'cool move.' Other days it's cleaning up a mess that was just made in a bathroom I had just cleaned. My kids are like magnets to water. I don't know what it is about the bathroom water, but they seem to think it needs to be dumped in bucket fulls on the floor, or used to fill all the kitchen set cups, or even just to drink. I am not talking a cup full...for some reason I can't get my kids to drink water ever, BUT if it is consumed in the bathroom upstairs they will drink gallons of the stuff.

So, this morning as I was on the phone telling a friend that this week was so busy I felt like I was playing "catch up" all week, my kids must have actually have been listening. I just finished rocking Mackenzie to sleep and put her in her bed upstairs. She fussed a little bit more so I picked her up until she dozed again. I was probably upstairs not even 3 minutes when I came down to quite possibly one of the craziest things I have seen my kids do yet. As I neared to kitchen I could hear the kids squealing and right when I turned the corner they froze...there was ketchup all over the floor. Like bright red, tomato ketchup, covering the center of my kitchen floor. After I scared the kids to death by taking in a large breath, holding it long enough to stare at each of them, I asked WHAT IN THE WORLD would possess them to spray ketchup on the floor and swirl it all around with their hands and feet?! The answer I received was this: "we just wanted to play in 'ketchup' like you..." Oh, catch up...

I can laugh about it now. At the time? Not so funny. Just when I think they can't top themselves they do. I bet we could have won ten times over on America's funniest Videos. If only I could catch these things on tape;)

Plan B

So, after much thought & discussion between James and I we have come up with a new fall plan for our 4 year olds. Back in early summer I had begun making some calls to preschools to find out which one to send Madison & Noah to. With it being the start of summer it was hard to keep in contact with a few. I played many games of phone tag between having a baby and going on a family vacation it seemed almost impossible! After we got back I made a serious effort to check them out. Turns out that the two preschools we wanted to send them to had only their Tuesday/Thursday programs available to 4 year olds, and even then it was for mornings. Another had Monday-Thursday, picking any two days available, but that was going to put us WAY over what we could afford.

Madison & Noah started going to Story Hour last year with my mom. It is a Bible based program on Tuesday mornings during the church's Coffee Break Bible Study program. So, when I found out that the preschool was going to conflict with that, my heart was also conflicted. I really believe in the program and love the women who teach and lead the kids in it. They have learned so much there already in their first year that I really want them to continue in it.

Yet another reason choosing a preschool was so tough was the cost. Many of them we going to run us around $400 a month for the two kids. For preschool? I'm just not sure how I feel about spending that kind of money per month for two days a week in school. After talking it over with James we came up with another idea. The kids are growing and really starting to get into their own interests. Madison loves to do gymnastics and dance and Noah likes to do karate moves so we thought about putting that money into other activities for them. It's not final yet, but we are pretty sure that this might the best move for them. It will also give the two of them a chance to be involved in something without the other...something I think would be good for both of them.

I always thought I would be more than excited and ready to send off my double trouble team to school, but now that the time is here I feel a little sad. I simply can't believe how the time flies. The days of double diaper changes, double feedings, and carrying two little chubs up to their cribs (where they couldn't escape) are now behind me. They are growing into such wonderful little people who now love to help me clean, cook, and even fold my laundry! So for now we are going to take the next couple weeks a day at a time and reorganize our schedules and see where we go from here.

Two Months Already!

I can't believe it's been 2 months already! Little Miss Mackenzie Kate is two months today. These last couple months have really gone by fast! After she was born we had less than a month before we left for vacation in Michigan. We spent two glorious week there and as soon as we came back Brett started school. Getting back into the groove of school and a slightly more structured schedule was nice, but busier. So here we are smack in the middle of September already.

Mackenzie is growing by leaps & bounds. She is by far the easiest baby I have had at this point. She has been sleeping through the night since about 3 weeks old. She now goes to bed between 9-10 p.m. and sleeps until 6-7 a.m. Just last week she started socially smiling and loves to talk. She goes for her 2 months check up & shots next week. I can only imagine how much she must weigh! Her thighs are getting nice and chubby and she is so long she is popping out of 3-6 month size sleepers.

The kids are just in love with her. It's so sweet to bring her down in the morning and to hear the kids all try to get her attention by introducing themselves to her. I have to regulate hugs and kisses because they get a little carried away sometimes. Madison loves to push her in the stroller for walks and Noah loves to make up songs to sing to her. Brett is a great help in a pinch when she needs a cuddle if mommy is busy.

Overall I've had it pretty easy. She take a few long naps during the day and by the time James gets home she is wide awake and ready to play. She has even started to be able to lift her head up so high when on her tummy that she can watch the kids playing all around her and that seems to keep her pretty content. I will be going to get her pictures taken soon too. I haven't done that yet with her...she is the 5th after all;)