I was working the last two days at the Timothy Christian annual fall resale. I go every year to sell my own kids clothes that they have outgrown and, since I am a volunteer, I also get first pick for things that they will need for the next season. It's a great way to meet some of the other "TCS moms" and to just get out for a little and help out. But, this year, I was faced with some pretty hard truths.
There is a system to tagging the clothes that you want to sell. One color is for items that get reduced the last hour of the sale, one color is for items that will not be reduced, and the other color is for items to be donated after the sale is over. As we begin sorting the clothes that people bring there is also a "reject" box that is for clothing that is stained, ripped, "outdated" etc. I was pulling my own things out of the bins and putting them away when I noticed one of Madison's old winter coats had a dirty sleeve. I know I just washed all the coats, so I put a green tag on it and didn't mark down my number so I could just donate it. Again, we don't sell dirty things.
Well, as the sale was going on today I decided to go look around the racks to see if there was anything else my kids needed for the winter. As I was browsing the jackets I came across Madison's. Could this be MY jacket? Sure enough...I looked at the jacket with the same dirty arm and then noticed someone had put another tag on it (I had pinned a tag on it, but left it blank.) Sure enough, there was another color tag on it with someone else's number. I was a little stunned. I tried to think it through a minute and see if there was MAYBE a logical explanation. I couldn't come up with one. I REALLY wanted to not believe that one of the other girls would do that....put their own number on it and try to sell it, but they did.
I was a little heartbroken. Not because I wanted the money for it, or even that someone thought I may have made a mistake and made a bad judgement call. Just the fact that someone standing in the room with me had been dishonest. Please listen, I AM NOT saying that I am in any way perfect or that I am in any way above them. I am just like that person. I am a sinner too. The other sad part was that there is a list of "sellers" and their numbers on the table. I admit I did look at that list. I knew who that person was.
I think the hardest part of seeing someone else's sin is that you immediately are aware of your own. That's why it bothers us so much. I know there have been plenty of times in my life when I was so upset with someone else for doing something, when I myself was also guilty of a like incident.
I did not confront that person. What good would that have done? Probably none. I also didn't want to cause conflict. I ran over the scene in my head a couple times and just thought it would be extremely uncomfortable. Maybe when they get home and get that coat back (bc it didn't sell) they would be reminded of what they did. Does that make me feel better? No. It makes me realize just how much we all need a Savior. We all need Jesus.
I am not perfect. In my lifetime I have lied, stolen, cheated, and done things I'd rather not list. I am a sinner. I try my hardest now that my kids are old enough to teach them about honesty. They really haven't gotten the hang of it. They have however mastered lying. Even a four year old who has never been taught to lie can do it. They were born sinners just like me. I find that my kids will even lie about things that don't matter or even things that they can't possibly be in trouble for, yet they do it.
I have been guilty of doing the same thing many times over. I also know I have a God who is bigger than all my sin.
I came back today after writing the beginning of this post yesterday. In that time I faced yet another great challenge. I faced another situation of honestly...or lack there of...and this is one I cannot write off. I had to face it, or actually, it came to face me. I just don't want to accept it. I will never stop wondering why dishonesty hurt so bad. I am however in awe of God and how he faces this. He loves us despite our sin. He loved us so much that He sent his ONLY son as a sacrifice to die on the cold, lonely cross for OUR sins. He knew of the sin that would consume all of us and sent us a Savior, Jesus Christ.
In the coming weeks, months, years, I will face many truths related to this very day. I will remember, but would rather forget. God hasn't forgotten me. I am on His mind and He is ready to come to me when I cry out to Him. I am crying. Crying tears and crying out for Him.
The verse that was on the back of James' truck when we met and a verse I think of often was this:
"Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. " The rest of the verse reads "Take my yoke upon you and learn from me., for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
I, along with many others, am carrying a heavy burden right now. I know that my Savior can free us from these burdens. The rest He promises is love, healing, and peace with God. I need it. We all need it. We need Jesus Christ.
No comments:
Post a Comment